Now, I know I said I wasn't going to keep going on about this cancer thing, the theory was that once it's gone it's gone. Pointless writing blogs when I could be getting on with serious things............like beading.
I have discovered that the appearance of this little bit left in one of the lymph nodes has hit me a bit harder than I expected. Back on July 15th when the endoscopist told me he'd found a tumour, my blood ran cold - that hadn't happened for many years, when Sam Mehta, my surgeon, told me about this bloody lymph node it did it again. My mouth and the rest of my body were doing a good impression of being nonchalant, but the cold blood thing was telling me something else.
I know the chemo and radiotherapy will get rid of anything left in my body, I know it isn't a terminal thing yet, I also know that what I thought would be the end of this wasn't. I chose the surgery over chemo because I didn't want the Sword of Damocles hanging over me for 5 years, it looks as if it may be there after all. The bottom line is, I am probably not as together as I thought I was - I really don't like the chemo idea after going through all the surgery, and however composed and positive I think I am, a lot of it is just acting.
The next blog post will be about beading, or kittens, or sunshine, or wind and waves, or anything but bloody cancer.